I just vant to be alone

While I was working on my MFA I had to share feedback with fellow students and mentors. That is, of course, a huge part of the program. I generally feel ambivalent about it. When I feel people haven’t understood what I meant I struggle to slow myself down and listen carefully to their comments. It ranges from difficult to exhausting. […]

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So much to say, so much to do

My last day at CAIR is July 24. Next week and the week after I’m working 20 hours a week. In other words, day job is winding down and I’m going back to freelancing. I have so much to say about all this, and have to be writing regularly anyway. There’s a week left of Ramadan, so my transition to the new life is a little low-key at the moment but I’ll be out the gate full force after the eid. I thought I’d grace this brief post by paying homage to Dave Matthews.

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Making myself sick

I can’t believe myself.  It has been so difficult for me to get serious about finishing my thesis. Every time I get going I let something stop me. A couple nights ago I finally buckled down and stayed up till 1 am or so working on the section that I will submit TOMORROW for the anthology compiled of all graduating students’ work. The next day I was sick all day.  I actually went home from the office.  I think it was partly the apnea that has plagued me since I gained weight, but it also just felt like I can’t handle pressuring myself anymore.  It’s like being out of shape (which I am).  I didn’t feel well the next day either, and today I actually had a fever.  Maybe they’re not all connected.  I feel like I’m not up to the stress of “cramming” like I was when I was in college, which was actually in 2002.  Yes, I got my bachelor’s degree at the age of 41.  While I completed it I worked two jobs.  I had energy for everything, although one significant difference was that I had classes with syllabi and homework and grades, whereas the MFA is all on my own. I have to get in shape – in every way, including writing. My next deadline is tomorrow, when I must email the excerpt for the anthology.  I am trying to follow the advice I’ve read about […]

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One of these days

Eventually I will return to being a writer.  This time I won’t be a depressed and mopey cookie-eater.  I have to make it my career, or if not a career – what’s one step down from a career? Like a vocation?  Or is it not a career if you don’t make much money doing it?  Whatever I do I have to do it with purpose and gusto and planning. One of these days it’s going to happen – and soon.

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