Making myself sick

I can’t believe myself.  It has been so difficult for me to get serious about finishing my thesis. Every time I get going I let something stop me.

A couple nights ago I finally buckled down and stayed up till 1 am or so working on the section that I will submit TOMORROW for the anthology compiled of all graduating students’ work.

The next day I was sick all day.  I actually went home from the office.  I think it was partly the apnea that has plagued me since I gained weight, but it also just felt like I can’t handle pressuring myself anymore.  It’s like being out of shape (which I am).  I didn’t feel well the next day either, and today I actually had a fever.  Maybe they’re not all connected.  I feel like I’m not up to the stress of “cramming” like I was when I was in college, which was actually in 2002.  Yes, I got my bachelor’s degree at the age of 41.  While I completed it I worked two jobs.  I had energy for everything, although one significant difference was that I had classes with syllabi and homework and grades, whereas the MFA is all on my own.

I have to get in shape – in every way, including writing.

My next deadline is tomorrow, when I must email the excerpt for the anthology.  I am trying to follow the advice I’ve read about avoiding procrastination, including setting very small goals for completing very small tasks.  That’s how I decided what to submit for the anthology and how I’ve worked on it this week.

I’m taking leave from work from June 3-12 in order to finish the thesis, and hopefully during that time I will get “in shape” and staying up late writing won’t actually make me sick.  I have a lot of work ahead of me.

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